I've never watched myself in a state of dissociation with this much awareness before. It's almost an oxymoron.
I wouldn't mind getting out of here, though I do find myself watching with a morbid sense of curiosity. Also, I'm reminded of my former self, or more accurately, the self I spend so much of my energy on keeping a distance from. Heavy-sweet, dark, like burgundy and equally alluring. It's interesting how addictive misery and melancholy can be. But I've finally learned my lesson. Finally. I have to say it took far too long, and quite a bit of doing. Now I supposedly know better than to believe that giving in is going to offer me some relief. Now I know, despite how I might romanticise it, the pain always, always, outweighs the pleasure.
►
