Recent Entries

• I've fallen and I can't get up

  by ambivalent Friability September 19, 2016
  I've fallen to a new low. Really let myself go.  I just applied nail polish without a basecoat. As a self proclaimed "Polish Enthusiast" I feel as though I've committed a crime. Any nail polisher worth their weight in acetone knows you apply basecoat, colour, then topcoat (unless your colour h...
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• Ensnared.

  by ambivalent Friability August 11, 2016
  I had good intentions and I was "doing the right thing" doing what was "best for me" despite fearing and loathing it all. I was willing to make a sacrifice for myself. There were no plans for self-sabotage. Which I don't think has ever happened before. ...I always leave at least a little wiggle room...
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• A Story is Still a Story Even if it's only a Phantom

  by ambivalent Friability July 13, 2016
  It's been almost exactly 7 months and I still think of him every day. I don't know what to do with that. I suppose if I were to over-simplify it, I'd say I'd rather him be here, regardless of any complications that might arise.    I've said before that I hate when people come and go come...
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• ll

  by ambivalent Friability June 5, 2016
  I've never watched myself in a state of dissociation with this much awareness before. It's almost an oxymoron. I wouldn't mind getting out of here, though I do find myself watching with a morbid sense of curiosity. Also, I'm reminded of my former self, or more accurately, the self I spend so much o...
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• The Untold Power of a Depressed and Anxiety-Ridden Person

  by ambivalent Friability May 18, 2016
  It would appear I've broken my therapist.  I've never met a more genuinely positive and enthusiastic-about-life person.   She seems to have taken a conscious step away from me. Though I understand, there's a part of me that feels betrayed. It's hard not to. Emotions aren't entirely rati...
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• Memento Mori

  by ambivalent Friability May 11, 2016
  I spend every day moving from one distraction to the next. In between distractions I sleep. I don't sleep to rest, nothing gives me rest, I sleep to escape. I've slept away the last 5 years. Sometimes I'm glad I never took to abusing drugs or alcohol. If I abused either in place of trying to evade l...
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• Watch You Go By

  by ambivalent Friability May 9, 2016
  It's fine being drunk on the weekend But it's finer being drunk all week I feel good  I feel bad I don't know I miss my mom and my dadAnd I see hellfire in your rosy cheekI watch you go byAnd I watch you I watch you go by  And I watch youI watch you go byAnd I watch ...

• Sunrise

  by ambivalent Friability May 5, 2016
          I'm sitting on my kitchen table watching the sun come up. Some of my only good memories with my dad are of me and him watching the sun come up early in the morning, around 5am, before he went to work. There's something special about Spring sunrises in particular. &...
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• -

  by ambivalent Friability May 4, 2016
  It's funny what missing someone will do to you sometimes. You'll forget about how they inadvertently added to your madness, you'll risk it all, become unbound, all just to talk to them again. To have them back.
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• Phoenix

  by ambivalent Friability May 1, 2016
  Phoenix In The Meantime Rising   I feel like my flame has gone out. My passion. My desire for anything. Small as it was, my flame kept my soul from becoming cold, damp, and dark. It was in essence, my drive. The ferocity and adamant, downright, bold faced refusal to accept defeat. It was a k...

• Venture. Fracture. Caution. Regret. ∞

  by ambivalent Friability May 1, 2016
  All I ever want is for someone to care about me. But when someone does I'm too blinded by fear to see it. Until it's too late; even then I'm still not certain.
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• ++

  by ambivalent Friability May 1, 2016
  I can't be the only one for whom missing someone and longing for them becomes more painful over time for a long, long time before it begins to wane.
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